"Why Cheap Art?" by Bread & Puppet

The Truth Is (A Personal Confession) or Keep it Real

“Be who you are and say what you feel
Because those who mind don't matter
and those who matter don't mind.”
- Dr. Seuss

Poetry is telling the truth.
So let me tell you the truth.

I have been feeling phony lately.
Anxious around people, especially large groups.
I've been feeling afraid that people will look at me
and be disappointed by what they see.
I start thinking about what other people are thinking about me,
and wanting to meet or exceed their expectations,
asking myself “am I good enough?”,
and judging myself if I'm not this way or that
Not letting myself just feel what I feel, say what I want to say...
I've been struggling to be present, to just be myself.

I sometimes feel like I have to be this really happy, positive, brilliant, enlightened version of
myself
or else people will stop loving me
because this is the image of myself that I perceive people to know and love.
I have been afraid to not be this image of myself,
to let people see me as sad or angry or anxious, even if I am,
so instead of risking being vulnerable, trusting that I am and will be loved unconditionally,
I often protect myself with a persona.
Even now, as I am writing this, I notice myself trying to make it really “poetic,”
I started with the ending first, and was really happy that it rhymed and sounded good,
but the whole point of this poem is that I just want to be honest.
So now I'm writing this beginning part without rhymes,
and I'm feeling anxious about how it will sound on stage.

Being in the LTAB movie has in many ways made it harder for me to just be myself.
It's really weird to have a video portrait of myself as a senior in high school
become so widely celebrated.
In many ways, it has caused me to become attached to that version of myself,
because I like the attention I get for it.
This is the tragedy of fame. It feeds an addiction to a certain kind of attention,
which creates a fear of change.
I feel pressure to live up to a certain image of myself.
But the undeniable truth is that I am not always happy, though I may seem to be.
I am far from enlightened. I have a huge ego and I crave the spotlight
even though I may seem to be modest, humble, and polite.
The truth is, I often feel afraid to be vulnerable, to just be real.

I am addicted to fame.
When so many people are giving me love, praise, and attention
I feel really happy and proud, but I also feel anxious,
because I want to keep it that way - I want to keep their love and approval,
so I start to act my part, to put on a certain persona
based on the image of myself I perceive them to be loving,
instead of just being who I am here and now.
I know this is normal, but the fame makes it harder.

Pride is poison. It is equally problematic as shame.
Pride and shame are the same ego trip.
They are two sides of the same coin, called conditional self-love,
limited love, competitive love, judgmental love,
love that is contingent on how one ranks oneself in comparison to others
this conditional self-acceptance is no true love at all but mere illusion.
True Love is unconditional.
True acceptance is total acceptance.
The same pride that one moment makes me feel great about myself
the next moment causes me to pass a thousand judgments on myself and others.
and be afraid to be truly seen
because of what I fear people will or will not see in me.
This lack of love I fear from others
betrays my deeper need for Unconditional Love for myself.

So today, I want to testify, and be witnessed by you
In setting this intention for the New Year:
I resolve to Love and accept myself Unconditionally and All Ways
Exactly as I am in any given moment

I testify to this lesson – that being authentic requires loving and accepting yourself
so that, in being real with yourself, you can be real with other people too.
and the beautiful thing about that is that it actually DOES cause people to love you,
to reciprocate love, to reflect the light you are pouring out...
my friend Meg said something deep.
She said that her favorite artists and musicians, like tUne-yArDs and Bjork,
are the ones who are not trying to be anybody they're not,
but are just totally, righteously, courageously themselves.
and so, it just so happens that they have followers,
people who respond to their art/poetry/music/truth because it touches them as real

So to you, Wordplay, and to all people/poets,
I testify that being authentic is more satisfying than being famous,
that I would rather love, accept, and approve of myself and be totally shunned by the world
than have the whole world be in love with me and be inwardly judging myself.

and Wordplay, O Wordplay... Thank God for you.
I give infinite thanks that communities like this one exist where people can just be real with each
other,
tell their stories in their own words, and be listened to and heard.
this is Church. this is dialogue, revolution, Art. This is Love.

so please, Wordplay, never stop telling the truth
and never stop telling the youth
to testify, testify
testify and witness
it doesn't have to rhyme
it doesn't have to be funny
it doesn't have to be loud
it doesn't have to be deep or witty or brilliant
it doesn't have to sound like anyone else
or even yourself
it just has to be real

it is in honor of this your consistent realness
and in gratitude for this community and this space
that I offer you, Wordplay, this testimony now,
this piece of my truth
as an homage to you

THANK YOU, Wordplay
for keepin it real
you inspire me to do the same
so now I offer this inspiration back to you
with a poetic exhortation to forget about fame
to always remember to keep being true,
keep being you.

words rhyme for a reason
when you say how you feel
so keep keepin it real, wordplay
keep it real.